How to Sing
by Hakai-sama
Summary: What happens when you put my OC, Koe Chinmoku, Naruto characters, and the Vocaloids into one big house. I don't do summaries... Contains SasuNaru, cussing, all that jazz.
1. An Introduction to Koe

**How to Sing**

**Summary: **What happens when you put my OC, Koe Chinmoku, Naruto characters, and the Vocaloids into one big house.

**Warnings:** There's yaoi, cussing…uh…nyah.

**Disclaimer:** I only own my OC, Koe-chan! But, uh…that's it.

**A/N:** You get pretty odd ideas at two am.

-Hakai-sama

-0-Chapter One: An Introduction to Koe, the luckiest girl in the world. But that's really it.-0-

"Check, check. One, two."

"I hear you loud and clear, Miku."

"Of course you do, I rigged the speakers and shit, remember?"

"Now now, Naruto, don't cuss."

"You heard the diva. Don't cuss."

"Sasuke-teme…"

"May I practice now?"

Miku sent a glare into the right wing of the stage at Sasuke, shooting him a glare that made the Uchiha shiver. Geez, that woman can be scary. But, I love her anyways. That's why I let her live in my house!

"A-alright, then, Miku. Naruto, prepare to start Look This Way Baby in five. And dim the lights in 3…2…"

"1, 2.

1, 2, 3, YEAH!

Just bluffing all the time

Makes me feel like I'm losing, I mean right?

I want to do things that shouldn't be talked about,

Like those sorts of things.

Oh gosh…what sort of things?

Man, guys are all such idiots,

You just thought of something dirty, didn't you?

You're the type that can't lie, I know.

It's showing up pretty clearly on your face, are you ok?

With no leeway for expectations,

It's like we can't even talk.

Yeah…

Before you go off with your grand romantic talk,

Have you properly assessed the situation?

Aah! You're so dense!

Hey!

Come on, look this way baby,

I won't let you say no.

I'm serious this time!

With my captivating, quivering lips,

I'll make you my prisoner.

Today's the day I'll take you on!

Oh!"

On stage, the band continued to rock out, Miku clearly getting into spirit. Rin, on lead guitar, nailed every note as her twin let his bass ring around the stadium. Luka cracked a smile while banging on her set, keeping time as perfectly as always. Out in the audience, few watched, but that was to be expected. The family was, most likely, somewhere in the catwalk, or backstage, or running around the general area. Although, truth be told, Miki is probably at the house with Yuki. Which means Piko is also at the house. Which means Lily is anywhere but at the house.

I wanna say that, yes, I should be very, very worried, but I'm not. That's what I have Ita-chan for!

"Don't call me Ita-chan ever again."

I looked up at Itachi, grinning.

"Aww, you know you love me."

"Yeah, I love you. Sure I love you. I love as much as whoever distributes bad luck, damnit."

"Boo-hoo. That's mean!"

"Aww, go fuck yourself."

"Keep in mind who owns the house. And who is freeloading off the owner of the house."

"…hn."

"Yeah. Go keep an eye on your brother for me, will you?"

"There's a hole in the ground with your name on it."

"I'm sure there is."

"I swear, if it weren't-"

"-for the fact that I am the only reason you are alive right now, I'd be dead. I know. You've told me. And, while you're back there, tell Sakura to come here. I want Cheerwine."

"I can get you Cheerwine."

"Get me Cheerwine my ass. You'll fucking poison it, Itachi, we've been through this before."

And so Mr. Broody walked off. Asshole. Ah well, love him anyways.

Not really. Not in the romantic sense. Oh dear god no.

But in the I-hate-you-but-I-think-of-you-as-my-brother-anyways sense.

So.

Moving on.

The song ended, and Miku did a quick bow before winking at me. The green-haired crazy jumped off stage and, running towards me, called my name.

"KOE! Koe, how was I? Did I do well? Do you think they'll like me? Huh? Huh?"

Sighing, I looked up at Miku and laughed.

"Miku, how would they not like you? You'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"I don't want to waste your money, though."

"Oh, you aren't wasting it. You keep up the good stuff and, before the year is over, I'll have made a billion in profits."

"Yeah, but-"

"Miku, if need be I'll go to a casino and put them out of business, okay?"

The teen laughed and plopped down into the seat next to me with a solid squish.

"Being the luckiest girl in the world has its perks, doesn't it?"

Laughing, I rested my arm on the girl's shoulder.

"Sure is nice, Miku. Sure is nice indeed."

"OII! MIKU! Get your ass up here, you have ten more fucking songs to get through!"

"COMING!" Sighing, she stood and turned to me, saying, "Watch me, okay Koe?"

I nodded a yes, and she ran off, leaping up back on stage. Divas. They grow up so, so fast! Two years ago, she was just a little girl who wanted to sing. And now…she was Miku.

The world's Diva.

But, this story isn't about Miku. Nor is it about Rin and Len's troubles in school, or Luka's rivalry with Ann. It's not about Kaito and Meiko's wedding, or Yuki's first day at school. It isn't about Shikamaru's invention, nor is it about Temari destroying Shikamaru's invention. It isn't about Neji accepting Kiba as actually dating Hinata. It isn't about Sakura publishing a book. It isn't about Ino discovering a new type of flower.

Nope.

This isn't about my life, and how I've walked into a casino with five dollars and came out with five billion.

Nope.

This story is about the two boys who share a room on the third floor of 69 Silent Street and how they, slowly, became friends, and then later, a couple.

This is the story of Naruto and Sasuke.

One an outcast. The other the most popular boy in school.

Complete opposites.

But maybe, just maybe, that's what attracted them to each other after all.

-0-

Hope you enjoyed! Look forward to an update either Friday or Saturday!

_Next Chapter: These lyrics are really quite inappropriate, after all._

-Hakai-Sama


	2. These Lyrics Are Quite Inappropriate

**How to Sing**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. TT

**Warnings:** Ah, we actually get into some actual yaoi this chapter! And more cussing. Duh.

**A/N:** Again. Interesting ideas at two in the morning. This chapter should be longer, no worries, no worries. And it should be…actually…good. Ya-Hoo!

-Hakai-sama

-0-Chapter 2: These Lyrics Are Really Quite Inappropriate, After All-0-

_A little mockingbird's song,_

_The sweetest little melody._

_Do you think you can sing it for me?_

_Or would you rather cut the source instead?_

_Why replace tears with laughter,_

_When laughter is a source of pain?_

_Why jump any higher,_

_When your knees are saying_

_That you should never run again?_

_Why walk forward,_

_When you can sit and never move again?_

Blink. Blink.

…

The fuck?

I glazed over the lyrics again. Geez. I should probably go make sure Sasuke doesn't have any razors. I should also probably sign him up with my therapist and make sure he actually goes this time. (My therapist better give me recommendation money)

Walking up the stairs from my basement room…err, okay, suite…okay, so maybe my whole "bedroom" was the basement…which was almost a two-story basement…but… Look, I'm rich, okay? I can do whatever the fucking hell I want. I want a two-story bedroom with a loft in the basement? Guess what? I have a fucking two-story bedroom with a loft in my fucking basement. Deal, bitches.

Okay, and maybe I'm also really in not such a great mood. Can we get on with the story now? (Hah. Get on with the story my ass. Geez. We probably don't have any readers cuz the first chapter was shit, fuck, and damn.)

Anyways. I was in the kitchen now, in all its great glory. Sakura was sitting at the counter, scribbling random shit on a piece of paper and creating hurricanes from the head shakes. Obviously whatever the hell she was doing was not "doing" as she expected it to be. (That sentence made no sense what. So. Ever.) But, then again, it's Sakura. I'd never seen someone who was smart enough to rival my skill of counting cards other than her, and that was saying something. Sure, she was a pink-haired slutty emo bitch, but she's a good person inside. Deep, deep, deep down inside. Very deep. Underneath, like, alot…yeah… If only she decided to put her talents towards something other than writing smutty yaoi junk. (Although it was pretty damn sexy, I admit.) I will never understand what is so sexy about two guys fucking the living shit out of each other…then again, that is kinda hot. I wonder how much it would take to get Sasuke and Naruto to put on a performance…Naruto I can bribe with ramen, and Sasuke…well, get Naruto to shake his ass once and I'd be willing to bet the panther will pounce. I wonder if he'd let me record it…probably not, the asshole has a stick up his butt anyways.

"Ne, Sakura, whatcha' doing?"

Glancing up, she sent me a heated glare that made those hairs on the back of my neck stand on an end. Geez. Scary bitch.

I'm really not in a good mood today,

"Working on my book."

"Which one? The ero-ero one, or the actual-"

"Those ero-ero ones you're referring to are yaoi manga, thank you very much, and I know for a fact that you have your own secret stash of them. I'm working on my book right now."

"What's it about again?"

This time, instead of a heated glare, I only got a lazy stare. Yea. I must've done something right.

"You're fucking with me, right?"

Or not.

"Uh, no…"

"It's about YOU!"

Oh, that's right, I'm pretty sure I did hear her say something about that…

"Really?"

With a thump, Sakura's head was on the counter.

"What? What is it?"

"You are such an idiot."

"No, I'm not."

Rolling her head up, she shot her eyebrows up, clearly saying "ORLY?" (ORLY? That word is just way underused! At least it is in my opinion. I should totally make it my catchphrase! Aw, damn a catchphrase would be fucking awesome!) Except…without saying it. Aw, you know what I mean. Geez. I'm telling you the story, I'll tell it how I want to.

"I'm a filthy rich idiot!"

A smack resounded throughout the kitchen, which took me two seconds to figure out. It was from Itachi hitting the back of my head. It hurt.

"Owwies! Ita-chan, what did you do that for?"

"Don't call me Ita-chan."

"Who's the freeloader?"

"Bitch."

Sakura abruptly stood, glaring at me.

"And people wonder why the fuck I think your life is interesting. Damn it, if only…maybe I should change that bit, turn you and Itachi into a couple, and…that'd be pretty damn cute, actually."

"No it wouldn't. Get the fuck out of here, Sakura."

"But she's writing!"

"What the hell makes you think I give a shit?"

Obviously the look on your face, asshole.

Sakura stormed out of the room, mumbling about finding someplace quiet. Itachi rolled his eyes and sat down on the nearest stool.

"So. How'd you sleep, Koe?"

I glared at the asshole. I did, I really did. However, I'm not sure it worked.

"I slept fine, thanks for asking."

"Geez, the so-called-freeloader tries to be nice and this is what I get?"

"I'm just not in the mood for any of your fake kindness, Itachi. Leave me be."

I looked away from the raven, concentrating on the speck of granite on the counter. I felt a whoosh of wind from beside me, and when I looked again, Itachi was gone.

However, where he had been sitting was a CD in a crystal-clear case with the words _Hirari Hirari_ written on it.

Walking into one of the living rooms, I popped the silver disc into the CD player and…hesitated.

Hirari, hirari.

Flutter, flutter.

Like eyelashes falling on a young maiden's blush, like a butterfly's wings fighting against the wind. Like a lie flapping in the wind as it becomes reality.

I pressed play, and heard…nothing.

Nothing, until notes of a gentle piano began to trickle out, like soft brushes of a hummingbird's wings, gently alighting on my nose. Resounding major chords echoed out, filling the empty room with the wonderful fluttering piano. And then…the piano stopped.

Miku began to sing.

"When the season is spinning, spinning,

Please embrace the fluttering ties."

Her voice poured out softly, in a way I'd never heard before. It fell like a feather, gently alighting on my heart and tugging the chains wrapped around it.

"Strongly, strongly,

So that they won't be lost."

Miku's voice blended with the soft piano, a harmonious sound I'd never heard before. Her voice had all the innocence of a young girl experiencing her first love, yet the maturity of one who knew heartbreak like a brother.

"Unable to move from the weight

Of the embraced words,

I fell into a warm dream."

I shut my eyes, trying not to cry. Trying to fight the piano's strength. Trying to hold back the memories of long, long, long ago.

"_Go practice your piano, Koe. You have a recital coming up."_

"_But…it's on my birthday, Auntie Suzu."_

"_So?"_

"When I woke, it was after I lost you."

"_They're dead, Koe. All of them. So…why don't you give up now?"_

"I tie it-the appearance that I embraced

The color of orange softly scatters.

It hurt so much, it's strongly engraved in my heart."

"_Go practice your piano now, Koe. You haven't time to stare at butterflies."_

"_But they look so pretty!"_

"_So? It's going to rain tonight, and they're all going to die."_

"_Can't we help them, Auntie Suzu?"_

"_Why would we help pathetic bugs? Now get inside and practice. I'm not keeping you for your mother out of the goodness of my heart, you know. You had better be famous someday. Then you can pay me back."_

"Flutter,"

"Hirari."

"Flutter,"

"Hirari."

"Flutter."

"Hirari, little butterfly. Hurry, and run from the rain."

My hand, drifting down, pressed the off button on the sound system. No more piano.

Never again.

"_Flutter away now, little Koe. Remember-I won't forget this. I never forget. I will curse you and your dreaded mother into the darkest depths of hell!"_

"_Say hi to Grandma for me, Auntie Suzu."_

"_Curse you, little fiend! Live the rest of your remaining days knowing-you have killed! You unlucky child! I should have never let you in my home! You shall forever be alone!"_

"_Good night, Auntie."_

"_You were born alone, and you shall die alone! Mark my words, child! No one can live on peacefully with hands as bloodstained as yours! You filthy, horrible __**murderer**__!"_

"Sora e umi e dokoka tooku e

Kimi e hitohira demo todoku youni

Tsumugu kizuna no sono iro ga.

Hirarira, hirarirari.

Itsuka kasureteiku omoi wa

Chira sareta setsuna ni saiete

Kuchiruto shitte nao azayaka ni

Hirari, hirari, hirari.

Nido to tsugerarenai kotoba mo

Kimi e saigo kurai todoku youni

Sotto ame noyouni furu koe

Hirarira, hirariari."

-0-:-0-

"Hey, Koe."

"Oh-Meiko. How are you?"

"Perfectly fine." The brunette sat next to me on the couch, pausing before she continued to talk. "Have you seen Kaito anywhere?"

"No, I haven't."

"What about Miku?"

"No clue."

"Luka and the twins?"

"Haven't."

"Sakura?"

"I'd guess she's near the koi pond, but that's only a guess."

"What about Kakashi and Iruka?"

"Probably in their bedroom."

"Gumi?"

"Wherever Miku is. Probably."

"Miki?"

"Wherever Piko is."

"Lily?"

"Wherever Piko isn't."

"Deidara and Sasori?"

"Dunno."

"Hinata, Neji, Choji, and Shikamaru?"

"Training room most likely. Although Shikamaru's probably on the roof."

"Temari?"

"Staring at Shikamaru."

"Naruto?"

"With Sasuke."

"Sasuke?"

"With Naruto."

"Itachi?"

"…"

I froze. I didn't want to talk about Itachi. Not when he left me that song.

Meiko frowned, and put her arm around my shoulder, and my shoulder started to feel fuzzy from her wristband. (I need to burn all of the razors in this house, period.)

"May I tell you a story, Koe?"

"Why not?"

Meiko's stomach expanded and contracted as she heaved a sigh, smiling as she began to speak.

"Once upon a time in the immense Russian steppe, lay a little village where nearly all the inhabitants bred horses. It was the month of October, when a big livestock market was held yearly in the main town. Two brothers, one rich and the other one poor, set off for market. The rich man rode a stallion, and the poor brother a young mare.

At dusk, they stopped beside an empty hut and tethered their horses outside, before going to sleep themselves on two heaps of straw. Great was their surprise, when, next morning they saw three horses outside, instead of two. Well, to be exact the newcomer was not really a horse. It was a foal, to which the mare had given birth during the night. Soon it had the strength to struggle to its feet, and after a drink of its mother's milk, the foal staggered its first few steps. The stallion greeted it with a cheerful whinny, and when the two brothers set eyes on it for the first time, the foal was standing beside the stallion.

"It belongs to me!" exclaimed Dimitri, the rich brother, the minute he saw it. "It's my stallion's foal." Ivan, the poor brother, began to laugh.

"Whoever heard of a stallion having a foal? It was born to my mare!"

"No, that's not true! It was standing close to the stallion, so it's the stallion's foal. And therefore it's mine!" The brothers started to quarrel, and then they decided to go to town and bring the matter before the judges. Still arguing, they headed for the big square where the courtroom stood. But what they didn't know was that it was a special day, the day when, once a year, the Emperor himself administered the law. He himself received all who came seeking justice. The brothers were ushered into his presence, and they told him all about the dispute.

Of course, the Emperor knew perfectly well who was the owner of the foal. He was on the point of proclaiming in favor of the poor brother, when suddenly Ivan developed an unfortunate twitch in his eye. The Emperor was greatly annoyed by this familiarity by a humble peasant, and decided to punish Ivan for his disrespect. After listening to both sides of the story, he declared it was difficult, indeed impossible, to say exactly who was the foal's rightful owner. And being in the mood for a spot of fun, and since he loved posing riddles and solving them as well, to the amusement of his counselors, he exclaimed.

"I can't judge which of you should have the foal, so it will be awarded to whichever of you solves the following four riddles: what is the fastest thing in the world? What is the fattest? What's the softest and what is the most precious? I command you to return to the palace in a week's time with your answers!" Dimitri started to puzzle over the answers as soon as he left the courtroom. When he reached home, however, he realized he had nobody to help him.

"Well, I'll just have to seek help, for if I can't solve these riddles, I'll lose the foal!" Then he remembered a woman, one of his neighbors, to whom he had once lent a silver ducat. That had been some time ago, and with the interest, the neighbor now owed him three ducats. And since she had a reputation for being quick-witted, but also very astute, he decided to ask her advice, in exchange for canceling part of her debt. But the woman was not slow to show how astute she really was, and promptly demanded that the whole debt be wiped out in exchange for the answers.

"The fastest thing in the world is my husband's bay horse," she said. "Nothing can beat it! The fattest is our pig! Such a huge beast has never been seen! The softest is the quilt I made for the bed, using my own goose's feathers. It's the envy of all my friends. The most precious thing in the world is my three-month old nephew. There isn't a more handsome child. I wouldn't exchange him for all the gold on earth, and that makes him the most precious thing on earth!"

Dimitri was rather doubtful about the woman's answers being correct. On the other hand, he had to take some kind of solution back to the Emperor. And he guessed, quite rightly, that if he didn't, he would be punished.

In the meantime, Ivan, who was a widower, had gone back to the humble cottage where he lived with his small daughter. Only seven years old, the little girl was often left alone, and as a result, was thoughtful and very clever for her age. The poor man took the little girl into his confidence, for like his brother; he knew he would never be able to find the answers by himself. The child sat in silence for a moment, and then firmly said.

"Tell the Emperor that the fastest thing in the world is the cold north wind in winter. The fattest is the soil in our fields whose crops give life to men and animals alike, the softest thing is a child's caress and the most precious is honesty."

The day came when the two brothers were to return before the Emperor. They were led into his presence. The Emperor was curious to hear what they had to say, but he roared with laughter at Dimitri's foolish answers. However, when it was Ivan's turn to speak, a frown spread over the Emperor's face. The poor brother's wise replies made him squirm, especially the last one, about

Honesty, the most precious thing of all. The Emperor knew perfectly well that he had been dishonest in his dealings with the poor brother, for he had denied him justice. But he could not bear to admit it in front of his own counselors, so he angrily demanded:

"Who gave you these answers?" Ivan told the Emperor that it was his small daughter. Still annoyed, the great man said.

"You shall be rewarded for having such a wise and clever daughter. You shall be awarded the foal that your brother claimed, together with a hundred silver ducats... But... but..." and the Emperor winked at his counselors.

"You will come before me in seven days' time, bringing your daughter. And since she's so clever, she must appear before me neither naked nor dressed, neither on foot nor on horseback, neither bearing gifts nor empty-handed. And if she does this, you will have your reward. If not, you'll have your head chopped off for your impudence!"

The onlookers began to laugh, knowing that the poor man would never to able to fulfill the Emperor's conditions. Ivan went home in despair, his eyes brimming with tears. But when he had told his daughter what had happened, she calmly said.

"Tomorrow, go and catch a hare and a partridge. Both must be alive! You'll have the foal and the hundred silver ducats! Leave it to me!" Ivan did as his daughter said. He had no idea what the two creatures were for, but he trusted in his daughter's wisdom.

On the day of the audience with the Emperor, the palace was thronged with bystanders, waiting for Ivan and his small daughter to arrive. At last, the little girl appeared, draped in a fishing net, riding the hare and holding the partridge in her hand. She was neither naked nor dressed, on foot or on horseback. Scowling, the Emperor told her.

"I said neither bearing gifts nor empty-handed!" At these words, the little girl held out the partridge. The Emperor stretched out his hand to grasp it, but the bird fluttered into the air. The third condition had been fulfilled. In spite of himself, the Emperor could not help admiring the little girl who had so cleverly passed such a test, and in a gentler voice, he said.

"Is your father terribly poor, and does he desperately need the foal."

"Oh, yes!" replied the little girl. "We live on the hares he catches in the rivers and the fish he picks from the trees!"

"Aha!" cried the Emperor triumphantly. "So you're not as clever as you seem to be! Whoever heard of hares in the river and fish in the trees! To which the little girl swiftly replied.

"And whoever heard of a stallion having a foal?" At that, both Emperor and Court burst into peals of laughter. Ivan was immediately given his hundred silver ducats and the foal, and the Emperor proclaimed.

"Only in my kingdom could such a wise little girl be born!" The end."

I stared at Meiko blankly.

"That was cute…but…what does it mean?"

Meiko laughed, and stood smiling.

"The title of that story is The Wise Little Girl. Do you know what it teaches?"

"…No."

"Think about it."

Well, what could it be about? A young girl that went through hardship survived because she was smart, plain and simple. And all the people in the world with talent are the ones that will be successful. Right.

"We should all…be…wiser?"

And that was Meiko's nerves snapping.

"No, you idiot! Gaahh!"

"Hey, I didn't sleep last night. Don't blame me."

"Then go take a nap, damn it!"

"…I think I will. Night, Meiko-chan!"

Meiko sighed and walked off, muttering something about stupid rich lucky idiots. After walking over to the door to my…uhh…room and typing in the passcode (not password, literally passcode. I made it so you have to hack the system a different time each time you want to get in, also meaning it gets smarter every time. Or I could just type in the actual password, but I forgot it. Hey, it prevents me from sneaking back to bed during the day and it keeps me on my toes. Do not judge.) I descended into the basement. However, instead of going straight to bed as I usually do, I entered my creative corner. (Again, do not judge. I am a part-time authoress.) Looking out over my space, I picked up the pad of paper sitting there and sharpie (Better to write things in permanently) and began to scribble notes.

_-Use fewer parentheses in your writing (that'll be hard)_

_-Figure out a way to communicate with the family better, and put tracking devices on everyone._

_-Bug Naruto so he can only eat one bowl of ramen a day._

_-Figure out what Meiko's story meant. (The Wise Little Girl)_

Putting down the pad, I stretched out and looked about the creative corner. (It's filled with random shit, including a bag of LSD) Gazing over the table (and ignoring the locked box with the LSD in it) and looking at my jewelry box (which has no LSD Never mind.) I opened it and picked up my grandmother's ancient necklace she gave to me when I turned five. (It was sitting on top of the bag of LSD, coincidentally) It was gold, with silver settings around the pendant. She had told me she wore it during her wedding (which is funny, because she never actually got married, she just had a bunch of hook-ups) (yeah, my Grandma was a slut. I still don't know who Grandpa is) but had never worn it otherwise. (My guess is that she'd never touched it before giving it to me.) Fingering the smooth surface of the gem between my thumb and forefinger, I recalled the last memory I had of her. (Flashback time, bitches! Woo-Hoo!)

"_Hey Grandma, where's Mom?"_

"_I think she's on the pot."_

"_Oh."_

"_What do you want for dinner?"_

"_Can you make pasta? Pretty please?"_

"_Sure, but we don't have tomatoes."_

"_Why would we need tomatoes?"_

"_The sauce, dear."_

"_But I don't like sauce."_

"_The world doesn't revolve around Koe, remember?"_

"_Oh. Right. Mom said that last night."_

"_Can you bike to the farmer's market and get some for me?"_

"_Sure thing! Don't set the house on fire while I'm gone, 'k?"_

"_Honey, I've been cooking since I was your age. What makes you think I could set the house on fire?"_

"_Okay! Bye Grandma!"_

"_Be safe, Koe!"_

Pushing myself up, I walked over to the stairs to the loft and began to climb.

"_It's okay, Koe. Just pick yourself up and keep walking forward."_

As I climbed up, the smooth wood cold on my palms, tears fell from my face.

"_Don't worry Koe. Remember what they say-everything turns out okay in the end. If it's not all okay, it's not the end."_

Finally, I climbed into bed, snuggling under the covers and pulling the blankets over my head, falling into a deep sleep.

And then I decided to make a decision to add a character, and yell at mine. Because my OC is mine. And she's currently being an idiot.

Crash. That was the fourth wall.

"Gaah! Who the hell are you?"

"The author, idiot. What kind of OC are you?"

"Are you…god?"

"No."

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT GOD WOULD SAY! OMG, you're God. O. M. F. G!"

"That is so wrong. Not only that you just called me a God, but then proceeded to say 'OMG'. Weirdo."

"I don't like you very much."

"Whatever. Deal with it. Anyways. Your writing sucks shit."

"Eh? This isn't my writing, this is my life!"

"Oh. Okay then. Your life sucks shit."

"…can we go back to saying my writing sucks shit?"

"No, because it's technically my writing, and my writing doesn't suck shit. Anyways, this story is supposed to be about SASUKE and NARUTO. Not YOU."

"But you wrote me a tragic back story!"

"And I regretted it immediately."

"Fuck you!"

"Idiot. Now, as I was saying. I need you to give me SasuNaru."

"But they hate each other."

"So? …wait, what?"

"That's how you've been writing them. And what's with Itachi as my love interest?"

"What? Itachi isn't your love interest."

"Uh-huh."

"What? Why, do you want him to be?"

"I would like some romance, yes."

"But…I wanted him and…oh, wait, that wouldn't…Miku? No…Luka? Ahh, what am I saying? That's it, Itachi officially has a crush on you!"

"You're kidding me."

"Duh. Now, about Sasuke and Naruto."

"Please don't tell me I have to install cameras in all of the house to stalk them with."

"Actually, that's not half a bad idea…"

"Oh god no."

"Why not?"

"I'd be a stalker!"

"Dude, you already have the cameras installed…"

"…"

"…"

"…fuck you, asshole."

"And when I rebuild the wall, you will go wash out your mouth with soap."

"Gahh! No! Anything but that!"

"Fine. Then you must make me a promise, okay?"

"Okay…"

"I want Sasuke and Naruto together before the end of the year."

"…I'll go wash out my mouth with soap."

"What?"

"I can't do that! They're not even gay!"

"Uh, yeah they are."

"Say what?"

"Sasuke's gay, Naruto's bi."

"…That explains so, so, so much!"

"Wow. My OC is an idiot."

"What do you mean, OC?"

"…never mind…"

"…"

"Anyways. Get those two together before the end of the year or I'll take away your luck."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"That's not that bad, it just means I'd have to work instead, and since I have all those degrees…it wouldn't be too hard, actually."

"…"

"Well?"

"…"

"…"

"I will make your life a living HELL."

"…yes ma'am. Right away ma'am."

"And you better not rush it. I don't want it to be a 'get together for the fucks' relationship. I want it to be LOVE."

"…you want me to make Sasuke and Naruto, who act like they hate each other more than god-only-knows, fall in love before the end of the year and then get together?"

"Actually, that's too easy. I want them to be engaged by the end of the year."

"WHAT?"

"…do I need to make it harder? You sure are an oddball."

"But gay marriage isn't legal!"

"Looks like I'll have to change that, won't I?"

"Gaah!"

"Look, you'll have more allies than you think."

"Really?"

"Duh."

"Can I break the wall in the future?"

"Okay, maybe you aren't such an idiot after all…"

"Can I?"

"Once a chapter."

"YES! Then I can ask you for favors too?"

"…suuuure…"

"I WANT A PINK PONY! THAT FLIES!"

"If they involve Sasuke and Naruto."

"You suck."

"Deal."

"Ah, whatever. I want to go to sleep."

"Okay then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight!"

The wall is back up and I have found myself as a character within my own story. Excellent.

-0-:-0-

"WA-HOO!"

Daah…what? Rubbing my head, I looked around. What the fuck was that?

I climbed down from the loft and exited my bedroom. (and then the arcade, then the office, passed by the creative corner, then finally past the foyer) Opening up my door into the living room, I walked out and over to the kitchen.

And I'm gonna attempt to describe the situation here to you.

Sakura was running around like a whirlwind in the kitchen screaming her lungs out, while Sasuke, Kakashi, Miku, Len, Rin, and Meiko sat at the counter all reading an article on the front page. Yuki and Gumi were standing in the doorway, baffled at the scene, and Itachi was cooking breakfast with a smirk on his face.

"Guess it's good news, huh, little brother?"

"Oh shut the fuck up, Itachi."

Sakura stopped running to stare at Sasuke.  
>"Wait, Sasuke…you're gay?"<p>

The whole room went silent.

What the fuck was going on?

I walked over to the counter to see the newspaper. The title read as such:

"Gay Marriage Legalized Overnight!"

Damn it, I can't break the fourth wall right now, can I?

Tiny crack

"Of course you can't."

Crack is fixed

Damn it.

"…"

The whole room remained silent for another minute or so, until Sasuke finally sighed and admitted defeat.

"…hn."

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE GAY!"

"Hn."

"Well, no surprise there."

"Has he never dated a girl?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Wait, then Sakura was turned down because he thinks some guy is cuter?"

"I wasn't turned down Gumi! I was politely told…no."

"That's being turned down. Damn, Sakura lost to a guy!"

"Miku, divas don't cuss."  
>"But Meiko-neesan does!"<p>

"Your 'Meiko-neesan', which you've never called me a day in your life, thank you very much, only cusses because it's part of my image. I mean, it makes sense for a punk star to cuss, doesn't it?"

"Ehh?"

"Wait, so if Sasuke's gay…"

"…who does he like?"

And thus, all eyes were back on Sasuke. Damnit, I need to tell Ms. Author that she sucks. I can't believe her damn effect.

So, I spoke up.

"Well, who would Sasuke like? It's not like he's close to any guys."

"…except…Naruto!"

So, let me get this straight, Ms. Author. SAKURA is my sidekick?

"I do not like Naruto!"

Ms. Author, this is going to be difficult, isn't it?

"Hey, did someone say my name?"

And speak of the devil himself…Naruto had just walked in.

"Hey, why are you all staring at me weird-like?"

"It's weirdly, Naruto. Use proper grammar."

"I never finished school, don't expect it."

"Oh? So then…why are we paying you?"

Damn it, I shoulda suspected something from the "Lighting and Design for Dummies" book he was always carrying.

"Heh…heh…Oh, what's on the front page that's so important?"

He strolled over to the counter, and everyone froze. He smiled at us all, then looked at the front page.

And then, my friends, Naruto turned as red as a cherry.

"Oh. Um…that's great, I mean…um…um…so…Itachi! Yeah, what's for a…a…that's why you…but then…wait a minute…Do ya'll think I'm gay?"

Everyone in the room (spare Sasuke and myself) nodded.

"No I'm not!"

Sakura cocked her head and broke the tension.

"So that means you're bi. Welp, I'll have to keep that in mind for my fanfic."

Naruto blushed even brighter before realizing what Sakura had said.

"Wait, what fanfic?"

She laughed and walked to my side, resting her arm on my shoulder.

"That, my dear Naruto, you will never know! Bwahahahaha!"

Whispering in her ear, I said

"So…she broke the fourth wall for you last night too, huh?"

Sakura paled before quickly nodding.

"Yup."

"Sorry. What'd she threaten you?"

"To lock me out of fanfiction dot net until they were together."

"So you can't publish anything?"

"Or read anything. I've tried every computer, even had Hinata go on and she could do it easily whenever I wasn't there!"

I gave her a look.

"Hinata reads yaoi?"

"Yuri, actually."

Well…you never know.

"Let me guess…Neji…?"

"Total yaoi fanboy. How did you not know this?"

"I have been blind."

"Ah."

"What are you two whispering suspiciously about?"

Meiko said, giving us a herp-derp look. (So she's not in on this…) However, Miku grinned and I figured it out. I has been given the perfect middleman! Bwahahahaha!

Although she totally screwed me yesterday. Fuck her after all.

And then Itachi grinned at me. Aw, screw SasuNaru plot development; this chapter has been officially fucked.

And I took a sledgehammer to the wall

"KOE! What the fuck are you doing?"

"Um…ending the chapter?"

"No you are not!"

"Why not?"

"Because I want development. The next chapter I want them to have their first date!"

"Well, what do you want for this chapter?"

"Hm…a kiss would be nice…"

"I can't make them kiss, Ms. Author."

"Oh, well, I guess you can't. I can!"

"I like the way she thinks!"

"Thanks, Saku-chan!"

"What's with the 'Saku-chan'?"

"Hey! Ms. Author is really nice!"

"Hah! Really nice? Really nice my ass! She's a perverted bitchy asshole!"

"Well, I'm gonna fix the wall and give you a wonderful punishment."

"Huh?"

The wall is fixed, and Koe's torture has been planned 

Don't make a grinny face, asshole.

Itachi smiled as he talked.  
>"Well, enough about sexuality. Pancakes, anyone?"<p>

Everyone got settled at the counter, and Sakura, Gumi, Naruto, Yuki and I all took a seat. I have a pretty big kitchen, to fit all of us. (And five ovens, three 8-burner stovetops, and four large fridges, and a mini one too.) Itachi began to hand out plates and distribute pancakes, and I got up to grab the syrup from the pantry. It was in a covered jar, and as I popped open the lid, it went flying across the room.

And the jar kinda tipped in my hands.

And the syrup kinda went all over the floor.

And I kinda slipped and tripped on it.

And I kinda pushed Naruto on the stool.

And he kinda fell into Sasuke.

And they kinda kissed.

And I kinda ended up with my back on the floor and skirt up.

And Itachi kinda had the perfect view of my underwear.

And Sasuke and Naruto kinda jumped apart with their faces redder than a tomato. And Itachi was still looking at my underwear.

Excellent.

I'll end this chapter now.

Ms. Author, you fucking suck.

-0-:The End:-0-

Heh. I'm evil! Karma is a bitch, Koe. You should know that! Anyways. I really like this story, so I got chapie two up quick! Please review!

-Hakai-sama

Oh, and I'm still looking for a beta reader. You don't have to be an official beta reader or anything, I just need another yaoi fan to read my works beforehand and tell me what I've screwed up! Please!


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